someone just put me out of my misery please.
i cant even be with the people who actually like me, why exist.
i sad
i feel like a fake trans girl cause im not on hrt, i feel like I have nothing in common with my trans friends cause im not dealing with what hey have to and that like since im in boy mode pretty much 24/7 i dont have to deal with harrassment.
im also sad cause everyone i have feels for lives so far away. had yet another friend say we’d date if i didnt live so far. i hate this island.
im alone, and dysphoric, and i just wanna be held. i hate it here. so much
i wish that truck had hit me 10 years ago.
im a mess, i wanna be beautiful, i hate my body and my face, i wish id been born a cis girl, this dysphoria is just so much to deal with, i hate the holidays. i wish i wasnt hear. i love someone so much but im just so scared to tell her, i dont know if she’s poly anymore, i feel i missed my chance cause im a coward i should have made a move sooner, im sure its too late now, i doubt she’s in a poly relationship anymore. im so fuckin sad, im so fucking stupid. why did i wait so long what was i thinking, why do i fuck everything up.
im so ugly. i have the wrong body, i cant take care of anyone, im so stupid.
the dysphoria kicked my ass today, my face is a scabby bumpy mess now, and tomorrow itll be horribly bristly again. i hate my body, i hate my face. today was really hard, i have crushes on people i probably shouldnt and my partner is dealing with so much heavy shit. im hungry but i dont want to eat.
fuck this crappy body, I didnt ask to be born like this. my face is a mess everytime i shave it just gets worse . my dysphoria related to my facial hair is outa control, i cut my face shaving and it wont stop bleeding, i was supposed to go out tonight but i cant even deal with how horrible my face looks and feels. I hate this body
this week was really rough work wise, and its really intensified my emotions and just thrown my ocd into overdrive.
yesterday after having worked almost non stop i couldnt get my brain to calm down and just spend the day in a manic state of constant over analysis
im trying to clam down now but im still having trouble
ooooooof no one is relpying to me now. like holy crap i asked you something important and like you just leave it on read what the fuck.
im never gonna find another drummer.
havent been on here in forever but i need to vent even if its to no one. i havent played guitar in like three months ive been really depressed when it comes to music, ive been trying to force myself to play and it just sounds horrible, everything ive written is garbage, my hands are super weak now, now playing just makes me sad that im basically back to a beginer, i suck and i hate this and all i wanted was to play guitar in a band and i cant even do it now and like this writers block is so bad i just wanna die, i cant handle this right now i feel like my world is collapsing i have no ideas, im drained and i dont know what to do. i wanna cut my hands off cause i cant ever string together two notes that sound good.